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Lance
Name: King Lance of the Kings of Croquet

Tournaments played in:
Wimbleton, US Open, Masters, SMO, King's Court, English Open, Chicken Wing Eating Invitational, Ryder Cup, King's Pro-Am, Beer Guzzling Tournament of Champions, King Stew Finals

Best finish:
Simultaneous multiple orgasms at the Playboy Mansion

Favorite shot:
Bacardi 151 rum

Style of play:
Flawless

Non-croquet hobbies:
Fantasizing about fat women

Best Club O memory:
King Lance winning the Green Jacket and subsequent picture taking ceremony

Where would your ideal tournament be held? The Kingdom

Preferred color of ball to use: Red, White & Blue

If your mallet had a name, what would it be?
Royal Blaster

Mallet composition:
What's it to you?

What special designs or features, if any, does your mallet have?
You'll find out.

List the purpose(s) of them:
If I told you, I'd have to kill you